antid's

has been terrible. ive been on my period for almost two weeks (sorry tmi) and ive been yelled at and put down. i have modeling in two hours and i do not want to go. i bought some clothes at target and i feel terribly guilty about it. after we bought them my mom made this sarcastic financial joke that made me cry. i feel BAD. and then we got into this whole thing about how i treat andy like crap. exscuse me? hes treated me like absolute shit my whole life. he never appreciates me. just because my life is the exact opposite of his (he has none) doesnt mean i should feel bad about mine and feel totally sorry for him. but i do. its like hes mentally retarted. he has some personality disorder with lots of ADHD in the mix. its really hard to deal with. he always makes up stuff and hes always saying things to make himself feel better that are lies. he stays in his room most of the time. hes anti social. 

im going out of town with a friend and i feel GUILTY about it. my mom said it really should be andy whose going out of town and i was like MOM! im sorry that Andy has no life and that im jumping on oppurtunities faster. am i supposed to feel bad about it now? BULLSHIT. now shes forcing antid's down my throat because she thinks i need to get back on them because bc isnt working. i really am depressed again. i hate the sublimonal pressures from life that are forced upon me every single day. to be thin gorgeous perfect in every way. i cant do it. 

i get awfully bored lately. im trying to come up with things to do to keep myself occupied. like read draw do lists research interesting things. so far my day is shot. tyler wants to hang out after modeling but i doubt ill have the energy too. 

i really am sad. and i hope i dont gain weight because of it. yesterday at dinner sd said that humans are grazers or should be like cows and such. but we do a three meal a day thing because its a civilized tradition. well guess what. grazing is better for you and im a grazer now. 

thats my sad sad wrap.